If my life were a movie, today would be Jurassic Park. And I would be not the lovely Laura Dern but Jeff Goldblum. Nerdy, good vocabulary, sarcastic and frantically trying to convince everyone else that we’re in deep trouble here, folks. Everyone else is just smiling indulgently and patting me on the head. There, there. …
Ninja Boogie
It’s Saturday and Noodle woke the entire house up at 2:30am when he had a nightmare. He, along with Pook and Boogie, couldn’t fall back to sleep. I certainly could have, but hey. My Saturday 2:30am’s used to be a loooooot more exciting than rewatching the Paw Patrol movie for the fifth time. So now …
Religion 101
My grandmother was an Episcopalian and I loved going to church with her. The rituals were so calming and soothing to me. I’d watch Gram in her blue choir robes, pick her rich alto voice out of the group and wait for her to catch me watching and wink at me. Some of my most …
Calgon Moments
Who else is old enough to remember the old Calgon commercials? This lovely working mom was complaining about her day (“Traffic! My boss! The baby! The dog!”) when she finally reaches her breaking point and shouts, “Calgon, take me away!” and the world spins and suddenly she’s listening to a symphony while in a bubble …
Let’s Play A Game
We’re gonna try something new today. It’s a little game I like to call: Why Is Roo Crying? Roo’s an insomniac like his mama. He has a set bedtime of 8:30, but most nights find him building Lego TIE fighters at midnight or reading a book at 2am. Those things are fine - there’s only …
Mother’s Day 2021
My mom and my oldest nephew used to talk about their Heaven House a lot. It was their design for the big house they would live in through eternity. Ethan told me there were jet packs and water skis and Mom had all kinds of glitzy, well-lit rooms. Of course, her plans changed all the …
Backseat Drivers
Ya know... Parenting is at least 40% guesswork. And at least half of those guesses will be wrong, by my reckoning. So if you fail every single test, which you won’t, the worst you end up with is 80% success. That’s a solid B- and that’s a grade I can live with. You do the …
Hell Is Overrated
One thing older, wiser mothers love to tell those of us with younger children is that, one day, in the far distant future, we’ll miss this. Maybe some days. But today is one I will definitely never long for again. Ever. It all started with Boogie screaming his sister’s name at top volume at 2am. …
Stockholm Syndrome
I’m developing a new parenting theory. It’s still in process, but the theory essentially equates parenting to a lifelong experiment in international terrorism and Stockholm Syndrome. I watched every episode of Homeland, man. I’m practically an expert on terrorism and brainwashing techniques. I’m pretty sure we can eliminate the suicide bomber option. But, like I …
Vey Soy
I have spent a lot of time (think years, not days) believing that Noodle and Roo were the biggest challenges this parent could face. They’re eight now, both diagnosed with ADHD and seeing a doctor for the proper medication to best address their individual needs. Identical twins may share the same DNA, but that’s about …
My Five Ring Circus 