We discovered a new type of measurement tool today. I call it the Efftometer. It’s a sliding scale which measures the amount of chaos on scene at any given moment. Units of measures are Effs. The lower the Eff rating, the less the chaos. For example, currently all of my kids are either playing Minecraft …
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Blue Monday
Welcome to Monday! It’s the day where Mama tries to pretend like we have a summer routine while everyone else lays in a lump on the couch and grumbles. Today’s episode is titled: Why Are Your Boogers Blue? I managed to sneak in a shower before Melissa started work, so she was downstairs wrangling the …
Tiny Pterodactyls
“Mama? Mama. Mama. Mama, I had a dream that you and Addie changed teef.” were the words spoken approximately 6 millimeters from my cornea at exactly 4:09am. I’ve been up most of the night courtesy of my infusion steroids but had finally fallen asleep around 2am. I was sleeping, but I’m wide awake now, haunted …
Anemia
I haven’t written in a while because I’ve honestly not been able to put my feelings into words. It’s rainy and grey and all I want to do is hibernate, but that’s just not my life. So I keep trying to put one foot in front of the other on a steady basis. I’m just …
Truth in Advertising
I was pretty judgy when I had one kid, but the boys disabused me of any notions about my parenting skills remarkably quick. Now we have five kids and I would not be surprised if the roof actually lifted from the house from our noise level. Simply taking them anywhere outside the house turns any …
Coping Mechanisms
Remember when we all had jobs and the kids had school and life had an actual schedule? I actually got up at 6am ON PURPOSE to shower before Melissa left for the office. And everyone had breakfast before leaving for school at 7:30. My days revolved around managing Pook’s various appointments and schlepping Boogie along …
Roo Days
I’m sitting on my bed, listening to Roo. He’s supposed to be the shower – he’s actually been up here for 25 minutes supposed to be showering – but, instead, he’s in the bathroom with the door closed, talking trash. The morning started well but Noodle and Roo would turn the volume dial up every …
Flowers
I’ve been a mom for almost twelve years and I learned my very first lesson on the very first day of parenthood. It happens in an instant, and every single parent has had the exact same lesson. Some smiling nurse hands you an impossibly small human being with a furiously pounding heart the size of …
Tomfoolery
If you’re a parent, you might think you know a thing or two about shenanigans. I am here to tell you that you really don’t know much until you have twins. You don’t believe me, do you? Just think about this for a minute. I want you to close your eyes and envision the chaos …
Yardwork
I don’t talk a lot about my coming out anymore because it was a crappy time in my life and because it’s complicated. The people involved are very loved by me. I have no desire to publicly thrash them, nor do I wish to defend them against the “I would never do that to my …
My Five Ring Circus 