It’s Saturday and Noodle woke the entire house up at 2:30am when he had a nightmare. He, along with Pook and Boogie, couldn’t fall back to sleep. I certainly could have, but hey. My Saturday 2:30am’s used to be a loooooot more exciting than rewatching the Paw Patrol movie for the fifth time.
So now it’s 4pm and I’m ready to sympathize with the mothers who lock their children in dog kennels or leave them alone at home while they go shopping. I’d sell at least two, potentially three, pretty important organs for a night away. They’ve all lost their damn minds and took mine in the process. I make everyone go outside to play. The sky looks iffy, but I really don’t care. Maybe a tornado can suck me up to Oz – I’d make much better wishes than Dorothy, you can bet on that.
The kids are in the far back, jumping on the trampoline when the sky splits and it starts pouring rain. The kids holler and run for the swingset, which has a canvas covered fort up top. I shout for everyone to come inside and the boys immediately abandon Pook in the fort and come on the double. (Hey, good listening, but maybe don’t abandon your toddler sibling in a thunderstorm?!?) It is at this point that I realize Boogie is gone. Like… GONE. I have no idea when that pudgy little ninja snuck off. The boys have no idea. Pook is still screaming bloody murder, trapped ten feet aloft in the rain.
The only shoes I have immediately available are slippers, so I go tromping through the back pasture in ankle length chenille slippers to rescue Pook. Motherhood is glamorous, y’all. And Boogie isn’t anywhere. Not behind the shop, not in the garage (where he tried to steal Pop’s chainsaw three days ago), not on the front porch. I’m actually starting to panic a bit at this point. It’s raining like the dickens and I’ve got a squalling Pook slung over my shoulder like a bag of potatoes while I search for her brother. Where the heck is my kid? I was really kidding about locking him in the dog kennel, I swear. I mean… Mostly. But we’ve all had those thoughts, right?
The boys have utterly ditched me – at least they warned me before leaving. They’re in the house showering because they’re cold. Look, I made a matching pair of Benedict Arnolds, aren’t I crafty?! Too bad I am drenched and squelching in chenille up the driveway. Maybe Boogie ran down the road? Oh lord, please not the road.
I run into the house to deposit Creature from the Black Lagoon and guess what I find? Captain Wonderbooger, 100% dry and sitting on the floor in the pantry eating crackers. I just stood there, at once relieved and amazed and super annoyed. My hair is still dripping in my eyes when I say, “Dude, I have been looking everywhere for you!”
Boogie looks up at me, grins through a mouthful of Cheez-Its and says, “I don’t have to share my crackers if the guys are outside.”
I’m buying a damn dog kennel.
My Five Ring Circus 