Peanut Butter Cannons

I had to go to Costco today because Pop bought himself some pants, but apparently doesn’t know his own size. (Losing 65 pounds will do that to you.) So I went to exchange Pop’s jeans and of course needed to make a loop through the store to peruse. I didn’t get much. But I did manage to find a gigantic tub of Reese’s Pieces for $9, so of course that came home with me. Peanut butter cookies with Reese’s Pieces? Yes, please. That’s about as Halloween-y as I get around here.

For people who poop their pants on the regular, the babies can spot a jug of candy remarkably fast. I wasn’t even in the door fully before Pook started shouting CANNY! CANNY WEEEEEEESE! She knows that her please is too dang adorable to deny. So did I give her some? Of course I did. Boogie, never one to pass up a snack, also requested some canny and a kiss. Ok, fine.

The boys are addicted to a Netflix show called The Last Avatar and it’s been an all-anime-all-day kind of day. They’re zombified in front of the tv and I am so fine with that because they’re quiet. The babies are happily munching a pile of canny. Bean’s still at the neighbor’s house and all is calm.

A moment of silence is rare around these parts, so I sat down to have a moment to myself. I was chatting with Melissa when Roo walked in with a panicked look on his face. We’re working on not interrupting, so I ignored him for a full 90 seconds while Melissa finished talking. Roo’s now fidgeting pretty hard and looking quite concerned.

Me: what’s up, buddy? Thanks for waiting so patiently.

Roo: umm can I have a pair of tweezers?

Me with raised eyebrows cuz this ain’t my first rodeo: why?

Roo: cuz I’m an idiot.

Me, not arguing this point: why do you need tweezers?

Roo: ummm you know those things the babies are eating?

Me, lightbulb coming on: you shoved one up your nose, didn’t you?

Roo, starting to cry: yes, but I don’t know why. I’m so dumb, am I gonna die?

Tweezers are for amateurs, because a Kleenex did the job just fine. I really *should* have made him lie still while I operated on his right nostril, but I’m fresh outta earplugs and that kid can holler like nobody’s business. I also think the neighbors might need to know us a bit better before we get our first CPS visit.

Noodle is now talking about how great it is that I got such a big jug of candy so he and Roo can load up their noses before school and shoot Reese’s Pieces at people. They’re calling it the Peanut Butter Cannon and Roo is most assuredly on board with this plan. I’ll be hiding the jug of ammo, but I already know they’re gonna find it. Seal Team Six ain’t got nothing on two seven year olds with a mission. So the Kleenex might have saved CPS a trip, but it’s probably gonna cost me a visit to the principal’s office.

I’m still making Halloween-y cookies, but apparently I’m making them tomorrow. With all the Reese’s Pieces.

Lord, help me survive these boys. The next person who says, “Oh, I always wanted twins!” get them for free, accessories included and batteries not required.