I’ve decided to rename my inner monologue to “The Narrator”. I’m tired of my brain choosing Eeyore as a role model, so I think it’s time we rebrand ourselves. Laughter is my true and true remedy to stress and anxiety, but Eeyore is not known for his sunny disposition. I’m vacillating between various celebrity editions of The Narrator at the moment. Since I have very little stopgap between my brain and my mouth, my inner monologue often transitions to my outer monologue. We’re also dealing with a wide variety of scenarios here between Pook’s eight specialists, Bean and her anxiety and the twin terrors in their Tasmanian Devilhood. (God Bless you, Boogie. You’re my sole hope for sanity.) So we need a multifaceted, versatile celebrity as our Narrator.
Option 1: Hugh Jackman. The dude is simultaneously Wolverine, Jean Valjean and PT Barnum. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to see where all three of those personas would come in handy for my life. Pretty sure we even schedule them on the regular: PT gets the circus up and running in the morning, Jean Valjean deals with various departments and people all day (he was a mayor, after all) and Wolverine will emerge around bedtime to threaten grievous bodily harm to anyone who dares to get out of bed after the lights are off. It doesn’t count as Multiple Personality Disorder if they’re on a standard routine, right?
Option 2: The Mad Hatter. This guy gets a bad rap in my opinion. People think he’s loony, but he literally speaks the truth and people can’t interpret it because it’s not the answer they wanna hear. Alice says, “That is impossible!” and the Hatter replies, “Only if you believe it is. Why, I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast!” He’s kooky, for sure. But he’s also super positive and is able to see the wonky things of the world as interesting rather than broken. He’s also got a spectacular sense of color coordination and you will never convince me all that tea was decaf.
Option 3: Rapunzel from Tangled. Sarcasm, naïveté, big dreams and really great hair. Plus, she’s handy with a frying pan and doesn’t need anyone to save her from the things that chase and scare her – she saves herself and her love through her own sacrifice.
Today I took Pook to her Nutritionist and we discovered she’s lost two pounds. That may not sound like a lot for an adult, but consider losing 10% of your body weight from an illness. It’s significant. And the entire time I’m listening and making a plan with the doctor, The Narrator wouldn’t shut up.
Eeyore: well, I guess I’ve done a terrible job. Thanks for noticing me.
PT Barnum: no one ever made a difference by being like everyone else. Every show needs a little flair.
Rapunzel: I know everything will be just fine. Stop worrying. Go find a floating lantern or something.
Mad Hatter: CAFFEINE! WE NEED MORE CAFFEINE!
Now we’re home and the babies are sleeping and I’m about to dive headfirst into my next Christmas project. Maybe I’ll take a nap.
The Narrator: but she wouldn’t nap. She would make herself crazy while she pretended to sew and ignore it all.
Shut up, Morgan Freeman. You weren’t invited to this party.
My Five Ring Circus 