I Have No Words

We’re heading out early to pick Bean up from camp. The boys are coming out of their skin with excitement, which only doubled when we told them they could skip showers until tonight. Melissa is mining for clean outfits at the base of Mount Laundry and I’m wrangling Pook and Boogie, who have once again turned into crusty-headed puke monsters that will NOT be skipping showers.

I turn around and find Noodle bent double over the toilet. Recent events point to more vomit, so we rush in there to help. And, instead of finding him sick, we find him scooping double-handed splashes of toilet water onto his actual head. Because his “hair was messy and needed to be wet down so he could comb it”. He is completely mystified as to why his mothers are so horrified. I mean… messy hair is bad, right?

It takes a lot to render me speechless, yet Noodle has managed to do so twice in as many days. What. The. Actual. Hell. If my face was an emoji, I’d be permanently stuck on this one: 😳

So now I’m Oprah. YOU get the shower! And YOU get the shower! EVERYONE GETS A SHOWER AND A PURELL DIP!

Melissa looks at me and says, “There’s not enough caffeine in the world for this.”

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.